Monday Morning

So its Monday morning and
I have to get back on the
job application bandwagon.

I applied for two jobs last week
and noone called. Even though
I did my follow-up gig.

This whole thing is becoming
a serious downer. I am not
as marketable as I thought I
was.

What I really want to do is go
back to sleep, but I can't do that.

The Halloween Party was a hit.
A huge 25 ft. bonfire, bobbing for
apples, hotdogs, a bluegrass band.
The whole thing. Photogs. The kids
had an absolute blast. Spooky hayride
in the dark woods complete with
chainsaw man jumping out of the woods.

Yesterday, we walked a lake trail and
threw dirt clods into the water and
tried to identify animal tracks. Nobody
believed me when I said there was bear
tracks. I wonder why?

Hurricane Wilma is slamming the west
coast of Florida right now. GREAT.
Next up, south Florida. Tome has
family there. I have good friends there.

I'm glad I moved up here to NC.

Halloween Party

We are going to a Halloween Party
tonight. I transforming into a Flapper.

I got the fringe dress and pearls
and everything.

Daughter is a witch. Husband is
a pirate.

Ate a package of M&M's and a
chicken sandwich and fries at
McDonalds.

Am totally grossed out.

Went to gym and sweated it
out on the elliptical for 1/2 an
hour.

Still am grossed out. I hope I'm
not getting the anorexia nervosa
along with obsessive compulsive
disorder I picked up a few days
ago.

Radio Spot, perhaps?

So, I got this half-baked idea to
write an e-mail to the local NPR
station querying them about an
essay I just finished.

I e-mailed the wrong person, but
believe it or not, he forwarded it to
the right person.

So the producer replied and asked
to see the essay. That would be cool
if I could get it some air time.

I bet they pay like a million dollars
and then I'll never have to work again
cause I wrote 14 minutes worth of copy.

Yeah and I got a bridge for sell.

toodaloo

OCD

I think I just got the Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.

I'm obsessed with finding a job and worrying about it.

I guess because I have no MONEY I am becoming
a hair puller. I pull and pull and pull. Its a wonder I have
any damned hair left.

I just sent a follow-up e-mail to the HR Director at
the community college. I applied for a position in the
Library..nothing major...I will help the students and
faculty with whatever library needs they may have.
Sounds right up my alley with my love of books
and knowledge.

We will see what happens there. I know. I'm reaching,
but something has got to give here soon.

But wait, let me chew on a couple more fingernails
and pull out a few more strands of hair as I go
bankrupt.

My Laptop Blew Up

I know. I know. I haven't written
in over a month, but the powerpack on
my laptop shorted out and I don't have
access. I bought two new powerpacks (one from
BestBuy that didn't work and one from
Radio Shack that didn't work), but my
laptop is obsolete cause I bought it almost
two years ago, ergo no powerpacks on the
market for the damn thing. I have to go
directly to DELL for a powerpack, but I haven't
so now I am working on desktop.

I bet there was some run on sentences in
there somewhere.

Still on the job quest...I've applied for 15....15..yes 15 jobs...
in the last month...thats 15...and I can't even get an interview.

I believe this online resume/application process is way too limiting.

Or they see WHEN I graduated from college and automatically hit DELETE.

Its not like I am applying for CEO, CFO, or Director of the CDC or Operations
VP at NASA. I apply for a smidgeon above menial like Assistant or Coordinator
or low girl on the totem pole or entry level manager, editor, proofreader.

I follow up and follow up and follow up nicely mind you. I'm not a bitch.
I JUST WANT TO WORK and I didn't spend all that time getting an education
to work at the movie theater.

I guess its me...the common denominator here is ME.

I need to hit the decompress button. I got denied yet another job today.
I put in for a proofreader position and the requirements are 1+ yrs of proofreading experience and a degree in English.

I got the big middle finger...although the ad reads 1+yrs of experience..I got shot down with
the "well, we really want someone with two yrs experience." I have 1 yr 11 mos. experience.

What is up with that?

Whatz It?

Whatz It with the weird impersonal
comments people or computers leave
on blogs? Such bullshit.

We signed on to a local gym today.
I biked for 30 minutes and treaded
for 15.

I'm guessing it will take about 3 months to
see any progress. It took a year to gain
the weight, 3 months is fair to work it off.

On to the real stuff.

I just saw this real alarming and
disturbing photo of a dead young
girl floating in the water in New Orleans.

I have never ever seen anything like that
in the US. What the f*** happened there?

What could we have done differently?

President Bush and the local govt's underestimated
the gravity of this thing. The last time a hurricane
blew thru there, the place flooded. History teaches
us nothing. DOE DE DOE...ah duh...stagnancy of movement
and lack of urgency begot death, murder, starvation, exhaustion,
thirst, theft and violence.

We can sure deploy thousands of troops for a false war in a skinny
minute, lickety split, but since the GOV'T saw no monetary
gain in deploying help to our bayou..they fiddle faddled around
until the masses started violently reacting to their own needs before
someone gave the order to send help.

I can see this happening in a country with meager resources, but in the
UNITED STATES?

I'm embarrased to be an American.

Get that stupid F*** out of office.

Then maybe we can regain some semblance of respect
from the rest of the world.

Sneak Peek

Aren't we lucky?
We got a sneak peek at all the various
channels of Showtime and HBO the last
couple of nights. I guess Dish Network
wants us to subscribe.

Tome watched Supersize Me and was freaked out
and he watched Ray and was freaked out. He said
he thinks Ray was the best movie he had EVER
seen. That's big.

I watched French Twist. Its french subtitled. I did my
best to comprehend what was being said without
reading. I was hopeless. Alas, my french skills
are gone. Poof. It wasn't the best movie I've seen,
but it does have a nice turn. I enjoyed it.

So, after kid and spouse were out of the house this
morning, I sat down to peruse the delightful selection
of movies offered to me. Sadly, it was ripped away.
No more Showtime or HBO. What a tease.

I was pissed for a second, but I didn 't let it consume me and turned
on the radio.

I am currently enjoying my hiatus from work.

I will get bored soon. Or the money will run out.

I wonder which will come first.

The girls want me to go out to Champs tomorrow night for
dinner and drinks.

I believe I'd rather spend my money on Coldplay tickets.

If you had a choice to eat bad food at a loud restaurant or
listen to loud music with bad seats...which would you
choose?

Summer isn't Lingering

For the last few nights, we've slept with the
windows open. Suddenly, summertime has vanished.

I read on the net that Mexico deployed its military
to help US with the Katrina relief efforts. WOW!!! Now, there's
a precedent.

Thats fricking amazing. Another country is extending their hand not
for money, but to offer help.

We sat around and deliberated about how many, if any, countries
will offer to help us in our time of need. We came up with ah, "zero".

I'm touched. It was completely unexpected. Most of the world, I'm sure,
is sitting around gloating, "Its about time they took a hit." People would love
to see the US go down in flames.

Thanks, Mexico. You are a true friend and you can make some mean arroz con frijoles.

Temporary Job is Over

Today was the last day of my temp job at American Express.

Today was the first day real help showed up in New Orleans for the disaster.

I still haven't really told my 7 year old about the devastation in the bayou. I haven't
shown her the news or the videos, nothing. I think though tomorrow I will turn it to
CNN in the morning and we will talk about it before we go for a worry free, fun filled
weekend at the beach.

I feel guilty just going down there and smiling and playing in the water with the children, but
Im looking forward to it. I feel torn though, but really what is the point of me sitting
around torturing myself about the death, squalor and unlivable conditions down there.
Should I drive myself down and try to help? What could I do? Nothing, but get in the way.

I guess its post traumatic stress syndrome by proxy or survivor guilt. Whichever one it is,
I feel terrible inside for everything thats happening.

From riots to looting to price gouging to surprising cohesion and charity.

Two Things

I want to post two things.

One is just as bizarre as the other.

Last weekend I saw an ad in the paper
for a Editor position at a company called TPS.
I've never heard of them before, never seen the name.
Nothing. I checked out their website and they are a
content management company. In other words, they
help companies get their stuff written and into printable
form. It sounds RIGHT up my alley. So, I sent them a cover
letter and resume. I didn't hear anything, so I followed up with an
email. Then, get this, I am at my temp job and I put a Lean
Cuisine in the microwave and proceed to the bathroom. Outside
the bathroom door I noticed someone's ID card on the floor. I
pick it up and decide to find the owner, but first I have to
go to the bathroom. While I am there doing my business, I read the card
and I find out the person works for none other than TPS. How bizarre. I walk
a maze of cubicles and I find the girl and she does tech writing.
I tell her my story and by golly, she pulls up this email from
TPS that says they are looking for Editors and she asks me
to forward my resume to her.

Weird, huh?

So then I decide in the middle of the night last night to
find a literary agent. I'm sick of waiting and I'm never
going to get my book published if I don't forge ahead. So, I email
this agent that represents southern writers. He wrote me back. I used to
the big shut out when it comes to my book and I was surprised. I'm even more
used to the shut out when it comes to changing my career. Oh, my middle name
is shut out. Anyway, he says he doesn't represent children's writers, but he
does know of a publisher who wants specific stuff and asks me the plot.
I kind of give it to him.

If nothing pans out, thats OK, I had a good week when it comes to
making contacts or maybe I didn't make contacts, but I feel better
about myself that I at least made the effort.

Darn Mosquito Bites

Bronwyn is scratching and scratching and scratching and driving me nuts.
She will not stop. Next stop..bloody mosquito bites. Perhaps I need to
forage in the medicine cabinet for the Calamine lotion. The pink stuff. I think
that stuff is purely psychological. I've never known it give me any REAL
relief, but I loved it when my Mom took the time to dab it on.

Tome and I have chiggers. Its a bug that burrows into your skin
and makes you itch and have red spots. I asphyxiated mine with
clear fingernail polish and I believe they died. Tome was scratching
all night. Maybe his chiggers are still alive and kicking in there.

YEW..thats digusting. I LOVE summer!!!!

OK, calamine lotion time.

Why Are You Pressuring

me to come up with a "Title" EVERY SINGLE time I want to write. Its annoying. Why do I have to have a title? Maybe I dont like to title because I have no idea what Im going to write about until I start writing. Work didn't suck today like it did yesterday. "Why?" you may ask.

Well, I'll tell you. They assigned more people to my team and therefore, I wasn't as friggin bogged down by work and I could actually do something with quality, instead of just pushing information without any content. They like quantity, yes, but quality suffers.

I'm the slowest one at work anyway. My output numbers are poor..I know, but at least I try and nip the problem in the bud right then and there and not pass it off to someone else.

I ate a steak sandwich for dinner. Or actually inhaled. I was hungry after that lean cuisine I had for lunch at 1:00. I ate dinner at 7:00. No snack in between.

Im rewriting my synopsis. Its currently four pages. Im trying to cut it to one and a half.

Wish me luck.

Only One More Week

until my summer vacation. I cannot wait. We are going to King's Dominion and then down to the beach. I'm sorry to get onto another subject, but whats with the pop-ups? I mean I downloaded a google toolbar to add yet another pop-up blocker to my computer's pop-up repertoire and what do I get? About four pop-ups a minute. Can I just be left at peace while I'm on the internet. Jesus.

OK, where was I? Oh yeah, I was talking about my vacation. I haven't been to King's Dominion since the late 80's. I guess its changed. Some.

Work was stressful today. It kind of sucked. I'm ready for it to be over. All day on the phone. Its sucking my lifeforce. I'll keep looking for something that interests me. If I keep saying to myself, "I'll find something worthy of my talents. I'll find something worthy of my talents," its bound to come true.

Have you ever been sitting indian style with your laptop on your lap and your toes go into cramp? I have, its happening to me right now. OUCH.

My husband's ex-wife just called and pushed all the right buttons and he blew his top. It doesn't really matter to me that he went off. It bothers me that his ex-wife still has the power to make him go off. It makes me wonder.

The One Campaign

is on my mind lately.

I see the images. I see the celebrities fronting the cause. I see the world leaders coming to Scotland. I see nothing happening, but perhaps, just perhaps, something may actually happen.

I get nervous thinking about it. The possibility is there waiting at the edge. Waiting for someone who can do something chose to do IT. We all know who those someones are. I am waiting. I am watching. I've been let down before by our world leaders.

Maybe these concerts will actually turn a head. The people who are aware of the possibility to cancel third world debt are all for it, but is the big money all for it?

Who cares about the money owed to us. We don't need it. Americans have more money and stuff than any nation in the world. Its ridiculous to ride around in a Humvee..they are implements of war..and now we play in them. The excess makes me gag.

Therein lies my concern, when it comes down to it. Is money more important than the plight of an entire continent? Of course not, but what threads are stuck to the debt?

There is one thing the concerts will do and that is raise awareness. We are a global community and it is horrific to realize how utterly unaware we are of anybody but ourselves.

We are humanity. We are One. We as humans, no matter what our birthplace, need to take responsibility for global well-being, education and health.

We have the power and the money. What we lack is the willingness.

I Found a Grey Hair

on my head. AGAIN. I mean really, where has all my melatonin gone? I plucked the offending thread and hefted it as hard as I could out of my hand. It floated gracefully to the floor. Maybe I should change my attitude and love my aging body and adore my grey hair.

I worked my ass off today. I'm grateful to have a job, even though its temporary. I'm lucky to be able to help provide for my family, even though I cant fricking stand being tethered to a phone. Should I feel lucky I feel like a prisoner and give thanks for being in a state of employment?

I really don't see myself working in a call center for much longer. Talk about a soul destroyer. I'm wilting.

My Middle Name

is 'ostracized'.
I applied for a job
with NCSU last week.

Perfect job for me. Writing
articles for their news service.
Some PR, interviewing people
to fill up space in their publication.

I didn't even get an interview.

I applied 4 times with NCSU
and haven't even been given
the opportunity to talk to
someone.

I understand there is always
someone better, but jees.
No wonder people veer
away from their dreams.

I dont think people want
to see anothers persons dreams come
to fruition.

Or shall I lay down and quit my
dream of writing?

Optimist Park

Pool is where we spent
our afternoon. I felt like
I was in the Bronx.

The kids there were all
"street" with their hangy
all down pants. I could
see all the boys undies.

Me and Hubby analyzed
the pants down to your
knees phenomenon and
came to absolutely no
conclusions. I guess
the only conclusion
we came to is that
we came to no conclusion.

Miffed again.

Watching the Tony's
right now. Ethan Hawke
has beady eyes. John Boy from
"The Waltons" still has
that big gnarly mole on
his cheek.

The kids went on the
Slip N Slide today after
the big swim. They slammed
into each other constantly. Im sure
we have some bruises
going on right now.

We had to use the sprinkler
to keep the slide wet because
my goober Husband chopped
up the side of the thing this
morning while mowing the
lawn.

Is It Spring

Yet?

Hello, this is the weirdest
Springtime I've seen in a
while.

Is it ever going to get warm?

The temperature vacillates..
cool...mildly warm...cold rain
humid, but chilly....I want
to wear skirts with no
pantyhose to work.

I want to sit comfortably
on the beach without a
towel draped over my legs.

I want to go swimming in
the ocean without fear
of the shivers when I get
out of the water.

I want to enjoy an
iced coffee because
its hot outside. Everyone
should agree with me that
hot coffee in the
summer sucks.

I want to get in my
car in the morning, touch
the steering wheel and
say, "hot, hot, hot".

I want to wear a pink
and green scarf over
my head with big
sunglasses while I'm
driving in my truck
and pretend I'm Audrey
Hepburn.

I want a popsicle
to melt all over my
fingers before I have
time to eat it.

Patience is a virtue
that I guess I lack
right now.

You Can Now Call Me

a working stiff.

I worked 40 hours this
week for the first time
since my daughter was
born. 7 years ago.

I'm frickin tired.

Most of the tired is
the hour long commute
to work. That part
sucks hard.

Or it may be that I haven't
had my coffee yet this
morning.

I've been using this
amazing piece of
technology at work.
I can take control
of a person's computer
and work on it. Its
such a trip. The other
person can be in
Manila for goodness
sakes. Of course,
the person has
to allow me control
first. But jees,
what's next?

Amazing.

The Slim Fast

diet I tried was a
miserable failure.

I gained weight.
It may be that I
had some water weight
gain because of the
old monthly. That
may be it. I felt
like I was constantly
eating. Well, I was.

I don't like to
continually stuff my
face with salad.

I get all gaggy.
Then I felt hungry.

I've never been on
a diet before and I'm
obsessing here.

I just want to get
rid of 15 pounds.

Ok, so now I started
Atkins. I want a banana.
And a friggin portuguese
roll.

I haven't heard back from
the Editor at Bloomsbury.

She fast tracked a quasi
rejection letter to me upon
my first submission. I had
it in two weeks. Ka Bam,
no thank you Ma'am.

So I shot back at her asking
why her first letter was so
ambiguous and to perhaps
think about giving a me a
go.

Its been two months and nothing.
I guess no news is good news.

Perhaps its another way of
saying, move on.

This waiting shit sucks.

Everyone is Out

side today. It really
is a beautiful day.

Hubby and I
forced stepson to learn
how to tie his shoes
this morning.

He is almost 8 YEARS OLD.
HELLO!

Noone at his house ever
taught him. MIFFED AGAIN.

He was so proud of himself.
He walked taller as he left.

Me and my daughter
ate popcorn chicken and
drank milk out of the carton
this afternoon.

She thinks its normal.
Of course, I dont let her drink
when she is sick.
People that visit think we
are weird.

Yes, I suppose we are.

It looks like

about every three
days I show up here
for my party.

I like to read Rosie's
blog. Its entertaining.
Mostly its her realizing
she is her.

I think she is good people.

Must be nice to live
comfortably in Miami.

I tried for ten years and lived
in mudholes.

But I was surrounded by
utter beauty. No shit.
What an entralling place.
It serenity sucks you in if
you ignore the traffic and
the wackos. And the urban
sprawl and the decimation
of the Everglades.

Can't ignore the cafe con leche.

Now there is some good stuff.
And the ropa vieja. And the
stone crabs. And the morros rice.
And tres leches. And the keys and
John Pennekamp State Park and the
associated key lime pie.

Enough.

Eating Out

sucks when you're
on a diet.

Everybody is snarfing
cheeseburgers and
french fries or pizza
or whatever.

Yesterday, I went to
McD's with my daughter.

You know what I had?

A salad with chicken.

IT SUCKED.

I got absolutely
no satisfaction from
that psuedo fast food
meal.

Salad has always
made me gag anyway.

Lately I eat one two times
a day.

It makes me want to spit.

All my life I've been able
to eat whatever I want
whenever I want.

Stop smoking and
everything changes.

I can't go back to smoking,
so I better get used to not
eating what I want when
I want.

I went to work today
at my new job.

Nice place. There
are several buildings
at the Cisco Campus.

The architecture is
quite sleek. Nice lines.
Lots of glass.

I'm Miffed

by these phone solicitors.

OK, so I was jumping around
trying to get my heart rate
up and keep it up so my
poundage will go down.

Sort of like what the
FOSSIL FUEL hoarders
should be doing
right now.

Put out more oil and the
price will go down.

ANYWAY..this chick
named Marsha calls and starts
the conversation out
like this, "May I speak
with Paige?"

"This is she."

That should be enough, right?

"This is Marsha and will you verify your address...blah de blah de blah?"

"If you tell me who you are and who you are with and what this

is about, I will verify my address."

"No, I cannot give you that information until I verify your address."

I hung up on Marsha.

This is the way this phone call should've gone.

"May I speak with Paige."

"This is she."

"Good morning, Paige. This is Marsha Blah Dee with Blah de Blah and

I'm calling concerning...blah de blah."

Obviously this was not a lucrative business phone call.

I don't think what was going on there was entirely forthright.

Scary.

Loblolly

Pines. Its Loblolly. Loblolly.

I went with my daughter
on a field trip to Clemmons
State Forest this morning. They
have an educational walking
trail.

The kids, the teachers
and the parents all hobbling along,
learning about trees and their
roles in the environment.

Today is Earth Day, you know.

Every 5o yards or so we would
all stop and the teacher would push
a button on post and we would hear
a prerecorded message about a
particular tree.

Do we live in the Pine Tree state?

Uh, yes.

"What is it called? Lalalolly?" a Mother asked.

"Lelolly?" another said.

"Balolly?" another said.

I thought, "what a bunch of ditzes."

I can be that way sometimes.

I murmured, "its loblolly."

"lobolly," the first Mother said.

"Its LOB LOLLY...LOBLOLLY."

"Oh, loblolly!" they chimed in unison.

We continued on our hike.

Lowe's

I went to Lowe's this weekend.
We're talking throngs of people
buying yard stuff.

They even had carts of plants
and flowers set up in the
parking lot.

I bought some pretty flowers
that I don't know the name of.

I planted them in containers,
except for three pots. I'm going
to plant them in the yard.

I am really bad at growing things.

Either I overwater them and drown
the poor things or I completely
forget about them until its
too late. Either way, deado.

My Daughter asked me this
morning what my favorite
TV channel was when I was
a little girl.

I said we only had three
channels.

"What channels?"
she asked.

"ABC, CBS and NBC"

What's that?"

She has never heard of
them.

"What was your favorite cartoon?"
she asked.

"Scooby Doo," I answered.

"Scooby Doo always freaks me out."

My stepson hit a girl at school yesterday.

His Mother didn't punish him.

WTF?

It's Late or Early

rather.

I drank a cup of Guatemalan
around 10:30pm and now
I'm all jacked up.

I laid down with husband.
He fell quickly.
I stared at the red light on the fire alarm.
And then I stared at the red light on the silent TV.
Then I watched the digital clock change to 12:27am.
Then I listened to the ice maker in the freezer
drop a couple of pieces of ice into the bin.
Then I listened to the whirring of the dishwasher.
Then I listened to my cat playing with one of his toys
in the kitchen.
Then I heard my daughter sigh in her sleep.

Night noises.

Then I whipped the bedsheets off me and climbed
out of bed.

I'm usually asleep in less the 5 minutes.

I don't usually have a cup of joe before bed.

I was sewing a sheer curtain for the long skinny
windows beside my front door.

I borrowed my Mom's sewing machine.

It took me an hour to figure it out.

She is on a 747 to Beijing right now.

I couldn't call her when the thing stumped me.

I doubt I will be able to sleep until she arrives
safely in China.

That's four hours from now.

All that and it really all comes down to my Mom.

I'm lucky to have a Mom.

Michael Jackson

is toast.
He is so done.

What is this I read
about Michael crying and
begging some poor kid's
Mother to let him sleep
with her son?

If I had an Adult Male,
I don't care who he is,
crying and pleading to
sleep with my son, I'd
bitch slap him upside
his head, call him nasty
names and RUN out of
there.

Anybody who is so out
of the loop as to have
a personal magician
for entertainment is
certifiably NUTS.

Frickin kook.

You know what? My Dad
wasn't so hands on. He was
a product of the 50's. So what?

I had to grow up faster
that most, but it didn't
turn me into a FREAK.

Michael is so going down.

Vanity Fair

had their very first writing
contest last year. They wanted
people to write a missive
on our American Character.

My curiousity was piqued so
I wrote an essay.

It mostly touched on how
misinformed and hugely
naive Americans
are about our country
and about the world in general.

Its not because we aren't a
literate nation, the lot of us are
very well read. Its because
what we read and hear is biased.

The ideas others form about us come from
a variety of biased media too.

So our perceived characters are SKEWED.

Now thats not what Vanity Fair wants people
to read about. They want to continue
the cycle of bullshit. Noone really
wants to read the truth anyway and
Vanity Fair knows it so they chose
a sugar coated, endearing essay.

Its very difficult for me to write
what people want to read. People
don't want to read about the real
world. They want fluff and bull malarkey
to cover up and mask how utterly boring
and uneventful their everyday lives
really are.

If I'm ever going to get
published then I need to
travel the road of fluff.

I guess I'll never get published.

Is My Face

about to fall off.
I went to the Dentist
this morning.

I had two cavities.
Two isnt so bad,
so I've had four in
my lifetime so far.

I despise the part where
you want to eat and drink
but your face is still all
numby and tingly feeling.

Im scared to eat because
my food may slide out of my
mouth onto my blouse.

But Im fricking starving.

I didn't eat breakfast cause
Dentists make me nervous.

Everything makes me nervous
though. I'll get nervous
about something in a skinny
minute, but it doesn't stop
me from doing things.

I face my nervousness head
on..and go through with whatever
it is..

a job interview
speaking in front of a large crowd
going to the dentist
scuba diving
being rejected a million times over by book publishers
major surgery
the step kids
driving car in very large unfamiliar metropolis
flying in tiny airplanes

Jees, what's next?

I hope it something that makes me nervous!

Another Familiar Envelope

landed in my mailbox
the other day.

It was a disgustingly thin
piece of mail, notthing weighty
about it and it was addressed
to me in my own handwriting.

Before I opened I knew it was
yet another rejection letter.

This was is from Farrar,
Strauss and Giroux.

SORRY.

Your writing sucks and
you don't have an agent
and you're a nobody.

Keep on writing, Paige.

Keep on..keep on..keep on!

So Many Things

have happened
since I last wrote.

The Pope died.
Maybe women will be
recognized for their
roles in society
by the next one.
Oh, papal one.

Terri died.
Rest in Peace.
Bless her soul.

I painted my bedroom
dreamsicle orange
and everything else
is chocolate brown.

Exciting trendy color combinations.

We visited the nation's capitol
for the weekend.

Kidville, whew.

The Museum of American History
was filled from top to bottom
with spring breakers.

Whooping it up literally.

Singing and yelling..being
teenagers.

No cherry blossoms peeking out yet.
I'm bummed I missed them.

Finally saw the WWII Memorial.

It spoke volumes to me. Tears.
I was moved.

Next time, I'll try and brave the
Holocaust Museum.

Bron loved the Metro.

Spring Break sped by super fast.

A New Novel

came bubbling up last
night.

I guess it was boiling, seething
under the surface for a while
now. I didn't know about it.

It blew last night while I was
in bed with my laptop and
my hubby.

He read while I typed.

"No way, you're not going
there. Are you?" he says.

"A Parapsychology Professor?"

"A gay, ex crack addict mathematics
professor sidekick?"

"You're a whack job, Paige."

We'll see.

What In The World

happened yesterday in Minnesota?

A 17 year old boy killing twelve people.

Including his grandparents.

He rambled through his high school shooting people to death.

I heard a DJ on Sirius say early this morning, "Parents, you need
to keep up with what's going on with your kids." He was referring
to the massacre.

I was taken aback and thought, "How does he know what is going on with that kid's relationship
with his parents? " Quick to pass judgement on the parents.

Then I thought, "that DJ must be childless."

Turns out the kid had no relationship with his parents. They
are both gone. POOF.

The Father commited suicide 4 years ago.

The Mother is in a nursing home with brain damage.

Now innocents are dead.

His wiring got all mixed up.

The mourning begins.

Schiavo Yes or No?

I am so on the fence about
Terry Schiavo.

I feel like I'm two people.

One says, "Mercy!"

One says, "She is starving to death!"

One says, "Let her go, she would've died
14 years ago if the medical establishment
didn't intervene."

One says, "We can't just let her waste away."

One says, "Are we going to keep her alive until
she passes from old age? 40 more years? Is she
aware she is hungry? I don't think so. Her brain
is dead."

Ok, I've jumped off the fence onto the let her pass side of the pasture.

I don't believe her soul is in there. It moved on a while back.

Here's Something

real fast
since I have to
shampoo my hair
and pick up the kids
from school.

I decided yesterday
as I sat inside watching
the outside to start
on a new novel.

I'm never going to
be a novelist if I sit
and wait for my first
manuscript to get
published.

It probably will never
get published. So, its time
to move on. Get a move on,
Girl.

I decided to go with mystery.

Oh shit, who knows what it
will turn out to be. My last
novel wrote itself. I lost control
of the story about 1/4 of the
way through anyway.

I need to find a literary agent.

I may as well put it out there.

Because my unsolicited
manuscripts are going
fricking nowhere.

Boom, over the transom,
back to me, it comes flying.

Or it sits in the sludge.

OK, off to take a shower.

I Can't Whine

about being unemployed
anymore.

I liked whining about
being LAID OFF
and how unjust it all
is.

But then again,
I can't sit around
and plead victim.

People get tired
fast of that schtick.

Move On! Hello!

So, I did.

I went to see my
new digs today.

NICE.

American Airlines
sucked for the last
few years.

My new company
has a sleek new building
in Research Triangle
Park and a full service
gym, a cafeteria,
unlimited coffee,
popcorn, snacks and
refreshments.

We had a soda machine
from 1979 that was
out of order most
of the time at my
last job. We didn't
even have a snack
machine for God's
sake.

What a fricking rathole
that place is.

I am so GLAD
I was laid off.

Opportunity knocked
and I answered.


Ah, it feels so good
to get this crap
off my chest and out
of my life.

It feels like I shrugged
off a flea infestation.

Speaking of fleas,
my cat, Midnight
is going in the cat
carrier tomorrow
morning for spaying.

She dragged her hinny
around the house a few
weeks for a whole week
screaming for some
male companionship.

I can't have that business
happening in my house
every month.

The ovaries have
got to go.

Tomorrow is
St. Patrick's Day.

Must wear green.

Bono and Ali

have a new clothing
line called Edun.

Nude backwards.

I guess the opposite of nude
is clothed, so there you go.

I tried to find a place
to look and buy.

It doesn't seem to be
available in stores
here in rural North Carolina.

Hum, I wonder why?

I sincerely hope
their clothes are
everything they say they
are and I don't get all
disappointed in one of
my favorite people
when I find out their
business venture..is yet
only that...a business
venture....and the workers
are being exploited..and
they get paid 25 cents a
day and they go home with
blood on their hands and I
walk around proudly in with
what I believe is a sound
investment in humanism.

I hope two years from now
or four years from now they do
not stray from their
cause and sell the business
because their passions move
forward...onto something
else...and the buyer is a
money monger probably
from the U.S...who does
not give a one kahoot about
the condition of the product
or how it came to be...

Then I'd be just as bad
for buying it than the person
who sold it...but then again
I'd be innocent because the
clothing would be cloaked
under the humanely sound
Edun label.

Ignorance is bliss...

Where did that rant come from?

I am so jaded.

My Life is

quite small
these days.

I haven't gone
anywhere new.

I can't travel
much anyway.

Who is going
to ferry my kid
to and from
school.

A Nanny?

I think if I
was self important
and so busy that
I had to hire a Nanny
to squire my kid
places then I would
get jealous of the
Nanny.

How great it
would be to get
to spend so much
time with my girl.

I have to remember
that this growing up
time for my kid is
short. One day I will
look back and wonder
how it went by so
lightning fast.

I realize this
and am happy
with putting
myself second.

In the scheme
of things. 18
years isn't much
time.

I feel like
a freshmen
in college again.

I gained the freshmen
fifteen after I quit
the cigs.

I ballooned up
swimmingly.

I miss the
cigs every now
and again.

Its been 9 months.


I'm having a hard
time believing I
actually don't smoke
anymore.

So, to try and
get the flab off.

I'm working out
and working out
and working out.

Its been two months
and I havent't lost
a frigging ounce.

How frustrating.

We are going to
DC for a couple
nights for Easter
this year.

My husband has
never been.
Thats bewilders
me. How can someone
grow up in the US
and never visit
the nation's capitol?

I'm Weirded Out

about my new
employer actually
inviting me to see their
building to see if it
is to my liking.

What's the deal?

So I ran out to
my mailbox today
to see if I received
another rejection
letter from one of
the biggie houses
on 5th Avenue.

Its so exciting
just to elicit a
response even
if it is negative.

I wonder what
it would be like
for them to call
me and ask me
if I can get something
written by say
2007 like Liz
did. She has two
years to write
a little diddy
about Diana.

I'm just jealous.

Petty jealousy.

Eating away at me.

I guess its better
to be jealous of
someone who
landed a serious
book contract than
say Paris Hilton.

Maybe my
manuscript
sucks.

The Universe Works

in strange ways.

Yesterday, a big ass
corporation contacted
me and asked me to
work for them.

I can write my own
ticket. I can work
whatever times I
choose.

I can take vacation
whenever I want.

They offered me a
good amount of money.

Last week I was begging
to work anywhere.

This week I'm in control.

How did that happen?

I guess somewhere
along the line I did
something good in
the KARMA
department.

Off to work out
with the Brazilian
hip hop lady on the
DVD.

Then I'll roll around
on the exercise ball.

I dusted my rice
chex with blueberries
this morning.

Pure white refined SUGAR
would have been better.

I can dream, can't I?

Is It Me?

Is it me?
Or is Blogger
acting funny today.

Unemployment sucks.
At first I smiled
to see a new day.
No stress.
No more worries
about working at the
most stressful place
in the world.

The Airport.

8 weeks later
and after much enjoyable
snacking. I still wake
up with a smile, but there
is something else.

I have the shape of a
PILLBUG.

I guess walking those
long airport concourses
did keep the hip o patomus
away.

Where did these hips come
from?

So now.

No more snickers.

I have to eat salad.

I have to roll around
4 times a week with my
exercise ball.

I have to work out 3 times
a week with the Brazilian
hip hop lady on the DVD.

I have to go to lame
interviews for jobs
I don't really want, but I
have to practically grovel
for because I'm in fear
of losing my home.

Screw it.
I've worked out three
times already this week.

I'm going to pick up a pizza.
No pepperoni.

Artists in Residence 

Here I Sit

Here I sit
unpublished in america
trying trying trying
people are looking
noone is seeing.

Maybe people are seeing
but the name isn't known
so noone is
taking a chance.

Maybe the wrong people
are looking and can't find
time to tip off the right
people.

To all of the
unpublished in America.
Don't put down your pens.